Nostalgic Fear

I am nervous now.  Two sleeps to go and it’s time to board a plane and get out of here.  It’s not the flight or even the time over there that makes me nervous.  It’s everything.  But mostly it’s the coming back at the end of the trip that scares me most.  The last time I came back from an overseas adventure I was broke, broken and soon after heartbroken.

It’s been almost two years since my phenomenal adventure through Asia and Africa.  I loved every moment of it too.  I spend a large portion of my time lost in daydreams, reminiscing and plotting how to get back overseas and amongst the world again.  Now that the moment is finally upon me, I didn’t realise I would be so scared.  The rational part of me knows that I will have a blast and come back from California full of new stories, memories and planning another escape from Oz as soon as possible.  Somewhere though, hiding in a tiny recess, in the depths of my brain/heart/soul sits the memory of returning home in 2010.

I’d lost all my money playing Black Jack Poker in Vietnam, cutting my travels short and sending me back to Thailand to collect the rest of my belongings.  The shards of self-esteem that were left, now hung in tatters from my soul as I wallowed in my failure to see what had happened and disheartened at having to go home early through my own stupidity.  I was somewhat relieved upon finding my friend/guide/angel Jem at the hostel.  I was able to debrief on my travels and chat about all the lessons I’d learnt along the way while waiting for my flight back to Australia.  Then three weeks after arriving home Jem died.  He knew it was going to happen.  I knew it was going to happen.  It didn’t reduce the shock or heartbreak felt though.  It still destroyed me.

So now sitting here, looking over my pile of clothes and books ready to be packed, I’m having waves of nostalgia mixed with stress and nerves sweep over me.  The awful thought of “What if…” creeping in and waking me up in the middle of the night or paralysing me with fear at the most ridiculous moments during the day.  And the rational part of me shaking my shoulders and screaming “Stop it!!  You are going to have so much fun and everything will be fine!!”  And it will be.  As long as I remember the lessons learnt last time.  To just let go and enjoy the moment, but still pay attention.  Pay attention to the people, the places, the culture, the sights and sounds, take it all in, but let go of the stress and see what happens.

Sitting here staring at the pile of clothes and books and my empty pack, I’m amazed by what will trigger the human body/heart/soul into such fear.  Fear over things long since dealt with, fear over things that really are not that big.  Some people have fears of spiders, flying, lizards or swimming.  I on the other hand seem to have developed a fear of coming home.

Lost for words

As the days quickly tick by and the date for my impending adventure to California nears, my brain seems to have packed up and gone on holidays already.  Two assignments to go and three other articles to go, yet I feel as though I spend the majority of hours sitting, staring blankly at my computer screen.  Nothing makes sense anymore.  Everything I type just sounds so blah.  That’s if I manage to get any words out in the first place.

It probably doesn’t help that all five pieces are so very different to each other and my ideas for each have begun to morph and mesh in amongst themselves.  I have a short story about the relationship between a grandmother and grandson; a travel article on cooking in Malawi; a writing exercise on experimenting with the use of dialogue; an analytical essay on persuasive techniques; and another short story that continues to change on a daily basis.

To attempt to solve my problem and bring my brain back to the present moment, I am going to try packing this morning.  I figure if I pack now, then I will stop thinking about this task and I will have everything lined up ready to go where I can see it.  There will be no more excuses for getting lost in daydreams or writing lists in my head of the things I need to find and take.  I’ll know that it is all there ready to go and hopefully I can get back to the task at hand.  That’s the theory anyway.

My Favourites

I have been looking through old travel photos a lot today as I’ve worked on a travel article about Malawi.  I couldn’t help myself.  It started with “research” of my photos of Malawi and then I slid into the South African photos and then I couldn’t stop.  I found myself going through my entire digital photo catalogue which, while it’s not all of my photos taken during this time, it is all the photos I’ve managed to retrieve and put on to this computer from 2007 until the present moment.

So todays post is another photo display.  Rather than all the usual pretty landscapes or standard postcard shots I seem to include with my posts, I’m delving into my favourite photos from the past five years of my adventures.  The candid moments, the people, the memories that I continually revisit from the absurd to the downright unbelievable to me just being a weirdo.  The moments captured that bring a smile and a laugh to my lips every time I see them.

My favourite photos…

Bushwalking in South-East Queensland

I’m not a knowledgable bush walker.  I’m usually the slowest of the group, plodding along at the back, stopping to take photos of everything (whilst catching my breath).  I haven’t been in a while either.  But coming into the cooler months and with my knee back up and functioning I’m starting to get keen to head out again.

Below are a few of my favourite photos from bush walks I’ve done in South-East Queensland.

Walking track somewhere between Toowoomba and Brisbane

 My Mum at Mt Maroon

Mt Maroon

Mum & I at Mt Maroon

View from Mt Moon

At the end of full day walk to the top of Mt Moon

Abseiling Waterfalls

Leaving home at the crack of dawn and driving a few hours south-west, we arrived at an unmarked location somewhere in the bush.  Vague description of an exact location?  Yes.  But this is as good as I can provide.  It really was this vague as I sat in the back seat enjoying the fog gently lifting from the paddocks lining the main road, as the sun rose higher and warming the chill early air.  Winding up a mountainside, maybe in Queensland or maybe New South Wales, I’m not even sure which side of the border we were.  Half an hour walk along cow tracks and over one barbed wire fence, then another fifteen minutes through light scrub and we had arrived.

The destination a set of three waterfall.  We were perched at the top drop off, with around 100m of waterfalls to abseil down over the next few hours.  Ropes were set up and gear checked.  Everything safe and secure ready to go, it was time to leap over the edge for a bit of fun.

The first waterfall taking the longest as the excitement and novelty had not had time to wear off.  Every tiny plant growing out of the rock face, angle looking up/down and rainbow of water had to be photographed.  The second two waterfalls did not have such a luxury of time.  The sun quickly disappeared the further we ventured into the gorge and the colder it got.  The cold aside, it was definitely an adrenalin rush.  The force of water gushing down over you, stepping bit by bit down the slippery, wet rock face.  Not to mention the other obstacles to over come along the way – ropes getting caught in trees, plus getting over my fear of taking that first step off the edge.  Eventually though we made it to the bottom of the last waterfall and swam out of the final pool.  Soaking wet, we devoured what food we had left in our packs, while packing away ropes, harnesses and other bits and pieces of equipment.

Lastly the two-hour hike back up to the top.  No tracks, just scrambling up through the scrub and rocks.  Wet clothes, now dripping in sweat as we made our way back into the scorching afternoon sun and finally back to the barbed wire fence.  Crossing back over the fence and it was like it didn’t exist.  And in a way it didn’t.  As I have no idea where it is exactly and I’d prefer not to know as it keeps a bit of the magic alive in the whole adventure.

Peru: Lake Titicaca

Published on Bucket List Publications

May 11, 2012

Peru’s most famous tourist attraction is undoubtedly Machu Picchu and with every reason.  It’s stunning.  But before I made it to Cuzco for my trek along the Inca Trail, I flew into Juliaca landing at 3826m above sea level.  Apparently anything above 2000m and you should acclimatize yourself by moving up in 500m increments to allow your body to adjust.  I didn’t have time for that.  I had two weeks to cover as much ground as I could and Lake Titicaca was where I planned on beginning my Peruvian adventure.  Collecting my pack and with the assistance of my Spanish-speaking America friend, Blake (we’d met at the Baggage claim), I boarded a bus to take me the remaining 45km to Puno sitting a few metres higher at 3830m elevation.

It took fifteen minutes.  Fifteen minutes before my stomach started knotting up in pain.  Fifteen minutes before my throat began to involuntarily gag.  My ears wouldn’t pop and my conversational skills began to dwindle as altitude sickness set in.  Blake continued talking away providing me with something to focus on and a distraction as I struggled to maintain my end of the conversation with my new friend.  I was incredibly glad for the distraction too.

Puno

We arrived at Puno, a small port town on the eastern side of Lake Titicaca.  A few natural altitude sickness tablets supplied by Blake (I’d left mine in the first aid kit of my mum’s pack as we had flown to Lima together then gone our separate ways) and we set off to enjoy some local Peruvian food in a very early dinner.  Chicken with Cocoa leaves, some more chatting about Peruvian things to see and do and by 8pm I was out cold as the early morning flights and nausea finally overwhelmed me.

Isla Flotantes

Lake Titicaca is the highest navigable lake in the world.  At 17okm in length and 60km in width it’s a decent sized swimming hole, although at a fresh less than 15 degrees C all year round, it’s far more fun cruising around on the azure blue waters island hopping. My first island stop – Islas Flotantes.  These floating islands were originally created by the Uros people.  They cut totora (dry water) reeds and layer them on top of each other until they create a floating mass, big enough to live on.  They cook, farm and live on these islands and somehow even managed to have a telephone connected.  The locals keen to sell their handicrafts or make a few bucks out of photos, made me realise how much of an intrusion our visits

“Twinkle Twinkle Little Star”

were.  While it provides work through a market to sell their wares to, I couldn’t help but resent the impact tourism had made on their lives, when the tiny row of colourful woman sang “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star” in the Aymara language that was now native to the islands, as they waved us goodbye.

Isla Amantani was the resting spot for the night.  But before there would be any resting, each person in the group from the boat was introduced to their host family and whisked away for a home cooked lunch

Sun setting from Pachamama

and to drop our belongings at the little guest room in the family’s farm house.  The fresh air on the lake had been helping somewhat in calming my squeamish stomach or maybe I was adjusting to the whole altitude thing a lot quicker.  Wrong.  An afternoon hike up Isla Amantani’s highest hillside, Pachamama and Pachatata (Mother and Father Earth) to watch the sun set, brought all of my horribly delirious altitude sickness symptoms rushing back.  At a little over 4000m above sea level, I was ready to sacrifice my self to the sun gods on who’s lake I now sat wallowing in nauseated self-pity.  I smiled (not sure you could actually call what I was doing smiling) for the obligatory sun set photos, before putting all faith and trust in my hiking boots to get me safely back down the mountain.

Getting dressed up

Dinner and a quick wash in a warm bucket of water with a wash cloth and it was time to get dressed up in our hosts finest traditional ensembles to head off to the village dance.  All the guests together in our borrowed brightly coloured skirts, ponchos and beanies danced the night away with the locals to the upbeat tempos of the panpipes, flutes and hand drums played by the band.  I’d felt torn by the idea of this all being a show.  But seeing the locals laughing (with us and only occasionally at us), dancing and having a good time interacting with us, their paying guests, made me reconsider.  Maybe it was a show, but maybe they really enjoyed sharing their lives and culture with others.  Not all the inhabitants on the island had to house visitors.  But the whole island had to agree to tourists entering and staying with the locals.  It was a voted matter and one they accepted, as it allowed a cross-cultural exchange of language, beliefs, social and historical contexts.  The small number of families living on the island (approximately 1000) were able to benefit from learning about the rest of the world, provide an income to support their small farms and to provide their community with opportunities to grow and prosper (e.g. they’d built a school and community hall utilising tourist money, that was used on a daily basis for all sorts of community activities).  With panpipes, island lifestyle and thoughts of throwing up dancing through my head, I once again slipped easily into an exhausted sleep.

Isla Amantani home stay house

500 steps Isla Tequile

My last day on the lake and I woke early.  The sun rose quickly above the deep blue water and after a warm porridge and tea breakfast, good byes were said to the family and I joined the rest of the group on the boat to Isla Taquile.  Site seeing, a bit of handicraft shopping, plenty of photos and a 500 step climb from the dock to the boat and back and my adventure on Lake Titicaca was coming to an end.  All to soon the boat was heading back to Puno.  And all to soon altitude sickness and gorgeous blue waters drifted through my dreams as I passed out in the hotel in Puno, as soon as I’d walked through the door.

Bridge Stories

Constable Matt Duncan ran across this bridge with the police footy squad every Thursday night.  The shaking of tarmac and steel, as cars drove along the six lanes vibrating through his feet and aching calf muscles.  Underneath the water from the Brisbane River flowed like a thick muddy soup.  Swirls of chocolate-brown water slapped against the rocky bank, echoing up to the footpath.  When the sun set through the high rises over the water, the river sparkled as it swayed to the rhythm of City Cat’s ferrying commuters.  Rain dripped in fat heavy drops off the steel beams, splattering the slowly crawling cars confined to two lanes each way.  It was harder to run in a police issued hi-vis weatherproof jacket.  A roll of rope swung from the crook of his elbow.  “Detective, here you go.” He said passing the slimy wet bundle over.

“Thank you Constable,” he said unravelling the rope and tossing one end over the bridge.  The Detective tied the other end with a boom hitch to the railing.

“Ok team, at approximately 0915 hours a Caucasian female with blonde hair was seen jumping from this spot.  Her body has not resurfaced and we need to locate it immediately.”

~ This is a creative piece I had to write as my weekly play around piece for university.  Each week we look at different techniques and in a few hundred words can play around with the technique.  The story was inspired by my drive across the Story Bridge this morning, that had one lane closed off for a ‘Police Incident’.

Pea-sized hulk

Let the celebration begin!! My knee, after 15 weeks, has finally recovered.  Only twice as long as it originally should have taken.  The physio staff were glad to kick me out finally and to celebrate having a straight leg my trainer has declared that we will can now start upper body strength to make me look like a less feminine version of the Hulk.

How he plans to achieve this I do not know.  I have the skinniest arms around.  After our first session this morning, I can’t even move my arms.  Fingers, yes.  Arms, no.  According to Wade, the Hulk is to girly looking, hence the less feminine version of the Hulk.  I wouldn’t say the Hulk is girly at all.  He’s big, he’s green and he runs around with no shirt on getting angry.  All seem very manly attributes to me.  During training today, I had words of encouragement spoken in Hulk language.  Two word sentences in a gravelly, monster voice.  That or Wade was practicing to be a death metal singer, I couldn’t quite tell.  Regardless, I don’t see us ever achieving this Hulk like gun show with me.  I can’t even get a hair brush through my hair at the moment, or lift my bottle of water to my lips properly.  My arm gives up half way and falls back down beside me.

So for now Wade can keep living out his Hulk/death metal boyish dreams.  If anything it keeps me entertained, distracting from the pain inflicted… well, slightly anyway.

Superheroes

I had to read Beowulf for High School English.  That was many years ago and I don’t remember any of it.  Now, I’ve had the pleasure of re-reading it for my Introduction to Great Books class.  I still don’t remember any of it.  But from my general understanding of the lecture on the book, Beowulf is a great hero.  He has three epic battles against monsters and wins, but is mortally wounded in the last battle.  The end.

There is the condensed summary of the first noted epic tale recorded in the history of literature.  I feel I have not done Beowulf justice.  He was a hero after all.  He boozed and plunder treasure, he killed “monsters” to save the great norse halls from falling into another’s hands, he was committed to the cause – a true hero.  There was no love interest (the most recent Hollywood movie version where he hooks up with Angelina Jolie doesn’t count, as her character is the second monster he kills).  So after analysing a text I understand very little about (it was the hardest piece of text I think I’ve ever come across reading), I now have to write a creative piece placing a modern-day superhero into an epic story in the tradition of Beowulf.

I’m at a loss as to what to write.  I don’t know very much about superheroes.  I know that there are a lot of movies (and sequels) made by Hollywood based on comics.  So maybe i need to spend the night “researching” the afore-mentioned movies to gain a better understanding of the genre… that or I’ll just make up my own superhero.  After all it is creative writing, so I should be allowed to do that.

‘Tis the season to get sick

With Summer leaving, so begins the plethora of bugs and germs that sail in on the autumn winds to infect one and all and generally make life miserable.  After finally falling asleep sometime after 3.30am to wake again at 6.00am, I’ve wallowed in self-pity in bed for a few hours.  Before remembering that it’s not the end of the world and I do not have man flu.

But this gross feeling of razor blades tearing up the throat, has got me thinking of the times I’ve gotten sick when I’ve been travelling.  Somehow the severity of sickness is multiplied whilst travelling.  It can be the same symptoms you’ve suffered before when sick at home, but the fact that you are in a completely different place, often living in close quarters with unfamiliar people and the most important thing – mum less, automatically escalates the symptoms.  There is something to be said for the healing properties of being at home in one’s own bed while sick.  Maybe it’s the familiarity, maybe the creature comforts in close reach, personally I think it’s having a mum (or other family member) nearby to bring you “sick food” and other supplies to help you ride out the couple of days of feeling awful.  I do not enjoy getting sick while travelling.  It stops me in my tracks while I contemplate my impending death in a hostel room (or better yet, hostel communal toilet bowl) for a day or two.  Then lo and behold some miracle of the universe, the travelling gods part the clouds of sickness and shine down upon me.  One more day of recovery and I’m usually off again, the near death sickness experience a mere memory in the past.  Forgotten about as quickly as it happened.  Generally because there is nothing pleasant about the experience, so the memory is better left at the hostel (or flushed down the toilet).

In the mean time, I’ve moved my study headquarters from my desk to my bed, after yesterday’s dismal attempt at the desk.  In the vain hope that by remaining as comfortable as possible, I may still get some work done.  If all else fails, I’ll spend the day eating yoghurt, reading ‘Wuthering Heights’ and sleeping, until the razor blades disappear from my throat and I feel semi-human again.

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